Single And Not Actively Looking To Mingle

When someone asks me "when are you gonna get married?" I get really angry. Then I take a step back - How old is the person asking me this elusive question? Under the age of 10, it's legit. Between 10 and 15 you're being a smart ass, and over 15 you're simply an asshole. Same thing is true in reverse - over the age of 80 is legit, between 75 and 80 you're a smart ass, and under 75 you're an asshole.


Try to think back - who in your life asks you that question? It's never friends. It's always family. Not necessarily your parents, but aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents. Depending on who asks, you have a few options for responses. 

Quite likely the reason I'm not married. Because of just this picture. Not the hundreds of others exactly like it...

For aunts and uncles - "I don't ever plan on getting married. I think single life with wild animals is the new married with children."  -- Be advised, this is not an appropriate answer to give your grandparents. Grandparents want great grandchildren. Don't get their hopes up.


For grandparents - "I have very high standards and no one has exceeded them yet." Great way to show them you still have some standards. Also, it makes it seem like you're still trying. 


For young cousins - "I'm too young to get married, silly!"


For older cousins - "You're not married, why should I be?" or "Your marriage doesn't seem to be working out too well. I don't want to fall into that same trap."


Parents - "Stop asking me that damn question." - You can say whatever you want to your parents because they still have to love you. 


Then there's the super awkward moment when an ex asks you this (yes, this has happened to me). My best advice is to laugh at that. 


After I'm asked I try really hard to look calm but inside my eyes and veins and other body things are on fire and seconds from explosion of catastrophic proportions.

thanks, #howdoiputthisgently  

So deeeeeeep breaths. And hello, alcohol!