Haven't you ever seen "Taken"?

No, I haven't. That's why I walked home alone at 4am in Cannes. Yes, Cannes is an all night party and people rage at all hours and there are always groups of people on the street regardless of the hour. What you don't know is that the bars close at 3am and by 4am all the sane people are having unprotected sex with strangers and all that's left are the crazies who can't seem to put their clothes on properly. Maybe they never had them on properly to begin with. I don't know. If their clothes are on correctly, chances are those people don't speak any English -- and I don't speak any useful French (I learned "I like your shoes" and "I would like the check, please").


Before this night even began Delilah and I decided we'd be lesbian lovers as to avoid being hit on by any Malfoys (to understand this, refer to previous post). A few drinks into the evening and that plan went out the window. Drunk Delilah was angry and yelling at me to leave dinner with friends to which I replied sweetly, "Lesbian Lover, these are my friends, let's stay." She then screamed to the entire table, "I cannot be a lesbian lover. I LIKE PENIS!" Way to stay classy, D. 

Isn't this one of the best photos ever taken? I know!
Diddy on the Red Carpet a few nights after his party that we didn't go to.

So we leave dinner to head home (it's after midnight...) and I lose Delilah in a crowd of people. She's trying to push her way into P. Diddy's party. I convince her to come with me but of course, the relatively sober one never holds the power. I am dragged to another bar. 


At 3am, the bar closed and Delilah was gone. No idea where she had gone seeing as I had the only set of keys to our apartment. But I had seen her minutes before and suddenly she had disappeared.  Oh, also, Delilah didn't have a phone. 


I get a text from one of our friends saying he was with her, everything was fine. Awesome. Until I realize I don't know how to get home. I said the street name to a man who helped me. He tried to give me very lengthy directions, in French, but I stared at him until he just made hand gestures (those things are amazing!) I walked home, almost a full mile, alone, at 4am. I talked to Joan on my way back - that phone call cost me $18. Worth it. 


Yeah I know it was stupid to walk home alone. It was really stupid. But it's in the past and I survived. I still haven't seen "Taken". 

I guess this is from the movie? Guess I'll never know...