Friend? or Foe? or Friend?

So I've been thinking a lot about the difference between friends and stalkers and I've decided that it's almost impossible to decipher. Basically, if their presence annoys you AND they can't take no for an answer, they're a stalker. Friends will annoy you - fact of life. Usually a friend will take "no" for what it is, but then sometimes they don't. That really pisses me off. But more on that...probably never.

The commonality that makes the differentiation between friend and stalker so troublesome is that you refer to both with nicknames. Here's the difference: if the person knows about the nickname and refers to themselves by that as well, it's a friend. If the person does not know about the name, it's a stalker. If the person knows about the name, the name is offensive AND the person refers to themselves by it, it's a stalker.

Obviously this is a vicious never-ending cycle. Apparently all of our friendships are truly stalker-ships. [Someone please tell me when this gets added to the dictionary. If "LOL" can be in there, stalker-ship sure as hell should be.]

But honestly, if you're calling someone by their given name, they're probably not a good friend. 

Here is a very abbreviated list of things I call people who I consider besties:

-Osamo
 -Fish
 -Lamb
 -Bulldozer
 -Mount Everest
 -Little Foot
 -Joan
 -TT
 -Sir
 -Bieber  (I want to be clear that I do not know Justin Bieber. I just call a friend of mine Bieber sometimes. It is normal!)