Je m'appelle Claude.

So I've officially been in France for a week and all I can say is "holy crap". Take that to mean what you want. Maybe I'm super happy, maybe I think this place is a dump. It doesn't really matter what you think I think. 


 Before I even left LA I learned something very important. If someone is speaking to you in French and you reply in English "I don't speak French," they will not understand you and will continue to speak French. That made me very scared for Europe so I called Matilda who only said, "Ze American girls, zey walk like zis. 'Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour! Oh my  gawd!"  (I'm watching that now... You know what's weird and makes me feel old? The movie came out in 1999 and they spend 112 Francs on Pizza Hut. FRANCS. Oy I feel old.)


Then I met two little girls with matching backpacks. They told me they like rainbows and sparkly things. The things I learn from kids under the age of five is impressive. One of them had a flower clip in her hair. It was sparkly.  


So I finally arrived in Cannes and realized I don't speak any French. Like, none. So in the process of trying to get my keys to the apartment I started counting on my fingers and finally managed to say "trois trois quartre" and the man laughed at me. And then he laughed harder because my roommate/co-worker had gotten stuck in the revolving door and was screaming for help.


So we've been frolicking a lot. Working 9am-7ish pm and then going out. One night I stayed out until 4:30am. That is not good for my grandma persona. Last night we napped from 6:45 until 9 and then went out. That was better for my grandma persona. I quite enjoy sleeping. 


Our apartment is tiny but quaint. Our kitchen is in a closet. Seriously. I don't know how else to explain it. Can a kitchen be gay? Do kitchens have a sexuality? (Can you tell I've barely slept? Probably.)


I haven't seen any celebs yet (sorry to disappoint you, Grandma) but we're hoping to attend a few premieres next week so maybe I'll see some then. A friend of ours had dinner with the cast of "Madagascar 3" the other night. I tried to stay super calm when she told me that, but naturally that only lasted about 30 seconds before my hands started waving and I was all "5 year old girl high pitched voice Melissa".  My roommate/co-worker also tried to push her way into P. Diddy's party. We found out later he made a drunken appearance and tried to jump off a balcony. Ooooh, Cannes.  


Yesterday our film premiered! I've already seen it a few times, but this was the first time I saw it in a theater on a big screen. Pretty exciting! I can't divulge too much information because it's unreleased and since we didn't let press in, I'm not gonna be the press. I tweeted at the director and he responded - twice. I feel so famous. 


Also, you know what's ridiculous? Everyone here thinks they're famous. It's amazing that anyone with a D-SLR looks like paparazzi and thus anyone without one is desperate to strike a pose for the "might be paparazzi". No one takes my picture because I walk down the street with oversized sunglasses, a hood shading my face, and my hands in the air. Sometimes I scream "NO PICTURES!" But not all the time.  


But, yeah. More great/stupid stories to come. 


P.S. You Americans, Cannes is pronounced like "Can." I am in Can. Not Caaahn. The French told me so.