So I was having trouble coming up with an idea for a post for today and asked two friends for suggestions. Both, without hesitation and without consulting each other, said "Tips for Pooping in the Dorm or Workplace." So, obviously, that's what I'm going to post about. Of course, girls don't poop, so this list is strictly for the boys - assuming any boys read this.
This list comes from Matilda* and Sabrina* (along with my unwelcome commentary).
1. Always pick the stall furthest from the door. [Of course if there's a fire you're more likely to get trapped. Oh well, poop-safety first!]
2. Make sure you REALLY have to go! No one likes getting caught with their pants down. [If you do, seek help.]
3. Poop fast! [Don't say you can't. You can do it if you put your butt (mind) to it!]
4. Make sure you lay toilet paper in the toilet so you will have no sound effects. "Plops" are not hott. Don't put too much..you don't want to clog it!
5. Flush IMMEDIATELY afterwards. Double flushes are always recommended.
I have no idea how two non-pooping girls came up with such a fantastic list, but thanks, ladies!
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of those who do not poop. Sabrina is in no way related to Sabrina Spellman, although she does posses magical powers similar to those displayed on the television show. I met her after she turned the school bully into a goat in the bathroom. Matilda is not related to Matilda Wormwood, but like Wormwood, my Matilda is able to pour cereal and milk using just her eyes. I am the only one of this group who is powerless and I fight for my life every day because of it. Please don't abandon my blog just because I can't see the future or levitate in my sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment