Multi Colored Rings AKA Olympics

As the Olympics come to a close, I'd like to reflect on the wonderment the past two weeks have provided.

First, I refuse to watch any of this NBC primetime recap. I'm watching it live or not at all. So I watched at work a lot, having Matilda give me play by plays when I was in a meeting, and doing the same for her when needed (more on this later). One night I tried to watch gymnastics (delayed) on NBC and couldn't stop laughing at the broadcasters, so I stopped watching.

I may not be a gymnastics genius (it's not called gymnicetics!) but I know what a clean landing/dismount/standing up thing looks like. So, US commentators, when you say "oh boy, that was not a good landing. That double hop there..." reminds me that you too are average and should not be relaying information on a sport you've clearly never watched or participated in. I'd be more interested if you explained why that "flippy spin split" thing was not perfect. But my guess is you don't know why.

Also, Gabby Douglas, your hair is fine. I don't know what the big deal is. 

As far as swimming. Hello, boys. Hello, girls, too - but not in the same tone of "hello, boys". Anyway. Ryan Lochte, I hope your mother was confused about the meaning of "one night stand" when she used it in interviews. And of course your shirt is off in this pic. Nathan Adrian, Matilda wants your hot bod. Although this picture here looks like a mugshot. What were you arrested for? Huh? Huh? Michael Phelps, you are from Baltimore, you're a great swimmer, and you clearly don't prepare for photo days. I'd like to see your high school yearbook pics. 

you're so awesome. you make me feel so...not awesome.

Soccer. I don't really watch it, but Matilda loves it the way I love baseball, so I don't judge. She had to pop into a meeting while the US was playing Canada in the semis and despite my non-existent knowledge of the sport (even though I played for 10+ years growing up) I gave  her the following real-time information. (She read it after the fact, and since I don't know any players names, I don't know how helpful this was.)


US corner kick  nothing.                        another corner for US 
 
nothing again  damn canada b****es keep saying theyre hurt  one of them better be. because im sick of watching poeople lie on thge ground only to get up and play  ok she was actually hurt.  why does time still go when they are down  playing again NOOOO  almost got a goal for US    blocked again another b**** is hurt  GET UP LAZY  oh well hers might be legit  dont worry itgs only canada ok shes walking off  not okay though  WHY FDOOES TIME KEEP MOVING oh and now shes playing again  i dont get these people us has the ball  going down field  OH MAN SO CLOSE  close again us has it again  booooo ref hit it  cxanada has it  us has it  OH MTY FOSH WE ALSMOT GOT IT  bouncved off the top goal post oh s*** canada playing dirty  uh ioh ohara is down because of canada being dirty  she OK  i think there is on mionute left  i fdont understand time

I think we can all learn from this that I don't understand how the time clock works.

GO USA! GO ALL THE OTHER COUNTRIES TOO!