That Sh*t Crazy

The "Sh*t ___ Says" phenomenon was hilarious and accurate, but it's all been overdone. Now it’s just “trying too hard” instead of being funny. So, because I’m super annoyed by the meme, I’m gonna talk about it.

One of my faves was the "Sh*t Guys Don't Say Out Loud" video because it was hilarious and, in my experience, entirely FALSE.

One of my closest guy friends frequently says all of those things - and more - aloud. My favorite was the time in college when he told me, "you and your roommates should poop with the door open. It'll be a great bonding activity."  One, that's not possible - everyone knows girls don't poop. Two, my response was, "you guys poop with the door open to bond?" I don't remember his response. Either because it was uneventful or because it was so foul I blocked it out.

A guy I’ve known since my awkward middle school phase will IM me to tell me about his sexcapades. At first it was weird. It’s still weird, but now I’m so used to it that I’ve mastered the art of responding without ever reading the graphic details he provides. I don’t think I’ve told him that before. Oops. Sorry, cutie. I still love you! The one time I accidentally read his detailed recap was about the time he had sex on a spiral staircase. I was actually pretty curious about how that worked, but I was afraid of any response, so I didn’t ask. I think I regret it a little bit now. If you’re reading this, can you tell me?

A dude in college repeatedly told me that he had sex dreams about me…and my roommates. Through most of sophomore year he’d suggest we all have an orgy, but seemed surprised when I’d say no. He then mentioned this again during senior year. He is still one of my closest friends. Good news, he hasn’t suggested any of this is almost a year. MATURITY FOR THE WIN! I hope he doesn’t use this as a reason to propose it again. I will still say no, sir!

The best is when anyone announces “I’m farting”. Even though it’s the least offensive thing on this list, it’s also the most unnecessary thing to announce. We either heard it or we smell it. Even girls announce this. I don’t know why…girls don’t fart. 


Watch "Sh*t Guys Don't Say Out Loud" Here!