Sleepover vs. Sleepover

Moms are the best. Usually the number one reason for saying this is "they endured 9 months of pregnancy and hours of painful labor!" but that's not what I'm talking about. We all know childbirth isn't that painful. I know from experience, so don't question me. I'm talking about the fact that they listen to you complain for hours without ever asking you to listen to them in return. Also, they answer your drunk dials. And when you're a kid they tell you, "yes you are Superman's son" and "one day you will be able to fly" with a straight face. And when you say "I HATE YOU!" when you realize you aren't a descendant of Clark Kent, they still love you.  

My mom and I have always been pretty close. We don't tell each other everything, but we tell each other a lot. During college I was on the phone with her one morning and she noticed I was distracted, so I came clean. My friend was freaking out. She woke up in a room with a bunch of other people, in bed next to a dude, and she wanted to sneak out without waking anyone. Mom's response?

"Oh was it her first time?"

"First time what, Mom?"

"First time, you know…"

"Mom, sleeping over does not mean sleeping WITH."

And that's when I realized my mom, for years, had thought I was a ho-bag. I guess it makes sense, but then I wonder, "why didn't she ever say anything in concern?"

I mean, if I were sleeping with everything that moved, I really hope my mom would have an intervention. In my mind it would begin with her yelling "YO. HO BAG. I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE A SLUTTY GIRL. I RAISED YOU TO…TO…I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE A SLUT." 

But, regardless, even when she thought I was sleeping with everyone I had ever met, my mom never judged me. Major appreciation. You should've heard the relief in her voice with this new piece of information. 

Overall, best Mom ever. She didn't judge the daughter she thought was a whore and she doesn't judge the daughter she knows isn't.  I only wish she had been telling the truth when she said I'd be able to fly.