Is Honesty REALLY That Important?

I feel like everyone is getting engaged or having babies. When I'm finally asked to write a book (tomorrow?!) the first chapter will be titled "How To Be Single and Childless at 22: Simultaneously Pleasing and Disappointing Your Parents". Girls I went to high school with who are years behind me have already gotten engaged or married or have had children. Every time there’s a new announcement it reminds me more of how far behind I am in life. But after dwelling on it for hours while drowning my sorrows in a family sized bottle of white wine and a jar of pickles, I remember that I’m actually in a great place and way ahead of these other girls.

If you count the number of times I was "married" in my childhood, you'd be impressed. Having a younger brother, I was always friends with (or annoying) his guy friends. When they were 4 or 5 and too dumb to stand up to a wimpy little blonde girl I used to convince them to marry me. 

I also had a child. I don't know why everyone says being a single mom is so difficult! I guess Jessica was just really good to me. She never yelled when I stepped on her or smushed her head, only to watch it re-inflate. Come to think of it she never really said much at all. There's a possibility she did not enjoy having her head smushed as mush as I enjoyed doing it. If you have yet to realize, Jessica was a rubber doll. I never stepped on any real babies. 

Here’s my dilemma. Do I need to mention my previous marriages and children to potential suitors? Do I include that I never got a divorce and under play law I am still married to many men thus making me one of the youngest reverse polygamists ever? I'd be pissed if I found out after months (or even a week) of dating a guy that he was either married or divorced, so why shouldn't I be honest? Also, if I tell him about Jessica and if he asks what happened to her, do I say she lives on a shelf in my parent's basement? Or do I tell the truth and say I haven't seen her for fifteen-ish years and she could be on the shelf in my parent's basement or she could also be in a box without air holes?

Ugh. Honesty is a bitch.