Some girls are in a real hurry to grow up. Listen to me girls, you don't want boobs. I know they seem cool when you're younger, but sooner or later they're gonna start to sag and that is NOT cool. Also, you don't want to wear makeup. One, you don't know how and you look like a clown. Two, when you get older you want to sleep as much as possible and wearing makeup means waking up earlier than you need to.
I wanted to grow up fast. When I was two I asked my mom when I'd have big bosoms (yes, I said "bosoms". This was at the time when I still using the anatomically correct terms.) She told me "when you're older". So at 6am on the morning of my 3rd birthday I sprinted into my parent's bedroom and asked, "Mommy! Are my bosoms big yet?!" They were not. Shocking, I know. I used to tape tissues to my chest to make it look like I had boobs. I looked ridiculous, not sexy.
In college I ran into one of my roommate's bedrooms and announced how sad I was that my boobs (sorry, Mom. BREASTS) were sagging. A few weeks later she saw my boobs (loooong story) and told me they were very perky. Self esteem restored. Also, I'm not sure if I should be worried that my roommate looked long enough to determine this. Oh well, my boobs still look good. I don't care.
I used to wear makeup to preschool. A lot of makeup. And not very well. Eyeshadow on my cheeks and lipstick in a big circle around my lips. AROUND, not ON. It was so attractive. I know all the boys were trying to get with me.
Apparently I had much more ambition then than I do now. Now, I'm lucky if I wake up on time. I rarely put makeup on for work, but I can assure you that when I do, it looks better than it did when I was three. Not a lot better, but enough that I look like a human and not a clown hooker.
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