Therapy

Therapists are great. I highly recommend everyone see a therapist. If you don't need help with anything (but believe me, you do) just pay them $150/hr for them to listen to you bitch about random things no one else gives a shit about. I guarantee your friends only care a quarter of the time you bitch. I'd say pay your friends every time you need to complain, but that could get pretty pricey and us poor post-college kids would suddenly be without our cardboard box roof and left on the street with no protection from the rain. I'm sure my parents would happily give me money to see a therapist, but they would flip out if I asked for money to give to random friends for no reason. 

Anyway, the point of this is to tell you about the best advice I ever got from any therapist I've ever had. I was somewhere in my mid to late teens and was complaining to her about a family member (FM) who would constantly ask me "have you ever been drunk? have you ever smoked a cigarette? have you ever smoked pot?" I would always say "no" to all the questions, but FM never seemed to believe me…despite the fact that it was entirely true (yes, I realize that makes my teen years seem epically sad, but I really don't give a shit.)

She told me to buy some rolling papers and loose tobacco and carry them with me to the next family affair. When FM asked me if I had ever done any of those "taboo" things, I could excuse myself to go roll a cig. 

So I never actually did this. But I changed all my answers from then on to "I don't discuss my personal life." It really pisses FM off and I still feel victorious.