Dating for Dummies

If you're anything like me, you're effing awesome. But if you're anything like me when it comes to dating, you're slightly aloof.


I've been on some bad dates, some amazing dates, and some dates I didn't even know were dates. Mostly that last one.


One time I went out to a bar with friends and at the end of the night was getting in a cab and one of the guys says to me "I tried". So I said "Yeah, you did," but in my head I'm thinking "tried what?". So the next day I asked my friend (who had been with me) what "he tried". She laughed and said "Uhm. He was hitting on you. It was pretty obvious." Sad as it sounds, this was one of my more graceful moments.


Recently: I got home from dinner with a guy and in a desperate attempt for an answer I asked one of my BFFs (a guy) if it had been a date. He responded, "What is this? Middle school?". Yes, dear, it is. [Note: When it comes to dating, girls will forever be in middle school. We still get butterflies when you text us and we still want to send you that little note that says “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” Maybe that last one is just me.] He proceeded to ask “Did he kiss you?” If he kissed me we would not be having this conversation, would we? After giving him more information, guy BFF finally determined “it was either a date or an awkward attempt at a date.” That was not helpful. I later flat out asked the date/no-date boy if it had been a date. He called me a nerd and then said yes. [I know you’re wondering. Yes, I’ve seen him quite a few times since then. Apparently my awkwardness is endearing. Who knew?]


I’ve been told a few times "You know I was hitting on you the first time we met, right?" or a variation of that. Well, apparently no matter how many times I hear that, I still don’t know how to properly respond to such a statement.


Here is a list of things not to say when someone says

You know I was hitting on you the first time we met, right?

1 - "When did we meet?"
2 - "Who are you?"
3 - "Really? I definitely thought you hated me."
4 – “You actually terrified me.”
5 – “I might be a lesbian.”
6 – “I might be a man.”
7 – “I think we’re related.”
8 – “I thought your brother was smokin’!”


I am indeed guilty of using a few of those. Mainly 1 and 3. Oops.


Dating in LA is weird. Dating in general is weird. It's fun, but pretty weird. LIKE ME!