Thank You, Dr. Pepper...

...For excluding me from enjoying a drink that I don't want, and for proving I'm a man in the process.

I'm sure you've all heard of Dr. Pepper 10. I purchased it last year because I had a coupon for a free 2 liter bottle and I never pass up free stuff I don't like. Right after my purchase I first saw the commercial that made it overly clear that this drink is only for men. I say "overly clear" because the dialogue and text say "not for women". 

Recently as I was driving to work I heard the new radio spot for the drink. The spot basically sets a list of check points that will qualify or disqualify you for drinking DP10, thus, measuring your manliness. Among the qualifications:

• If you’ve ever hemmed your pants with duct tape…
• If you sport a handlebar mustache…
• If you’ve blogged about bacon…

I've hemmed many things with duct tape. I'm poor. Not just pants. Dresses. Shirt sleeves.

My handlebar mustache is the fake one I craft when I pull a piece of my long hair across my face for comedic effect. 

I have blogged about bacon. Not on this blog. On a different food one where I am a guest writer. The sentence said "I don't eat bacon so I left it out of the recipe." I'm pretty sure that qualifies as blogging about bacon.

So by your standards, Dr. Pepper 10, I'm a man. But you know what? I'm not and I don't want your drink because I hate Dr. Pepper. Also, way to perpetuate stereotypes, assholes. 



*This post would not be complete without making fun of my brother, who as a 2 year old had a meltdown in a Pizza Hut where he screamed "I WANT DR. PEPPER!" for what felt like an eternity. The boy had never had Dr. Pepper before. Pizza Hut does crazy things to us all.