"I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that..."*

Alright. Here's the deal. When I drink I act like I'm in high school. Not the way I actually was in high school. The way the girls I hated acted in high school. 

It's a dark bar. It's very loud. It's a dark and loud bar. A girl I barely know called me over. "Can I tell you something?" she asked me. I was drunk, of course I would say yes. Disregard the fact that I hadn't known her for very long, she wanted to confide in me and I was far from denying her of her request. "I kissed Frank a few weeks ago. I really like him. Will you find out if he likes me? Say it just like this…"

Yes. Obviously I will help you. Did you not know I'm the matchmakers of all matchmakers? Well I am. I'm notorious for setting people up on dates that never actually end up occurring. So, really, my track record is pretty good. No failed dates!

Within seconds I had forgotten the exact words I was supposed to say, so I said the following. "Frank, I forget what I'm supposed to say, but do you like that girl?" He didn't, but said he'd call her the next day to straighten it all out. "But she wants me to give her an answer now so what do I tell her?" Apparently I was supposed to leave it alone because "This is ridiculous we aren't in high school." No. I have a BFA in meddling. 

Girl tracked me down. "Does he like me?" No. Whomp and let the sadness commence. But not too sad. She was drunk too so she was relatively upbeat.

I went back to Frank. "Are you trying to hook up with that other girl?" 

I don't remember what he said. Those drinks were strong. 


*Eden's Edge, "Amen"