I Can, However, Blame A Guy For Not Trying...

Last night I was talking to David. We hadn't talked in awhile and tried to fit a few weeks of happenings into an hour. I talk a lot. It was difficult.

Anyway, I was recounting my recent babysitting adventures during which a number of things occurred. Most notably was the hour I spent picking up a ball, while making pirate noises, that the ten month old continued to drop because he liked the noise. So he was all flirty. And as all babies do because they just...do, he kept giving me a devilish smile and then grabbing at my chest.

Upon telling this to David, he responded, "I didn't know you let just anybody do that! You should have told me that!"  No. David, dear, you try without being asked. He he said, "oh well, can't blame a guy for trying." To which I quickly grabibbled (I couldn't think of a good synonym for 'said' so I made up a word), "true, but I can, however, blame a guy for not trying.

I feel like we always (sometimes) like the guys who don't like us. And the guys that like us are the ones we are...well, less than attracted to. So on a recent trip to visit college friends I made what I thought was a reasonable request to a guy...I wanted to snuggle. And he turned. me. down. Turned me down like bed sheets. Except I was in the bed and he was on the other side. And he was like "awww, no. No, bed sheets. I turn you down!" Say whaaaat?! I was so angry.

What he actually said was "I literally cannot move right now." LIAR. YOU ARE A LIAR. Turn over and spoon me, please and thank you.

I wanted to snuggle. That's all! I just LOVE snuggling. WHY WON'T YOU SNUGGLE ME? 

I'm still a little bitter, apparently. So telling David this the next day sent him into uncontrollable laughter. I did not laugh. "Guy is oblivious," grabibbled David. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

David then maneuvered his way into bed with us (probably appropriate to mention that this was David's bed. He had been at work, thus the reason we slept in his bed.) trying to snuggle us both. It was the threesome I never wanted to have. I said that out loud. It was awkward. So I gave myself an award. I try to applaud myself for my awkward moments.

Clueless Weekend

One weekend I lived the life of Cher Horowitz in "Clueless". Well, my roommate was Cher. Somehow I ended up being Elton. For real. Explanation to follow.

So a bunch of us met at a bar but decided to leave to head to a house party. A friend warned us that there might be some hard drugs there. Was Tai gonna be there? Oh em gee! Little did I know, Tai was already with us.

We got to the house party and after about an hour, one of our girlfriends, "Tai", fainted and hit her head really really hard. Our group accompanied her outside to get some fresh air, but we were escorted by another party goer - a pediatrician, "Elton" (not me). Only in LA will your pediatrician have huge gauges in his ears. Dude was awesome. He asked the girl questions to make sure she was concussion free. One of the questions was "what is her birthday?" - her being me. My roommate promptly "Cher"s it up - "stuff she knows!" Our friend is alive and fine, thank you for asking!

The night before this incident the same group was at a different set of bars. It was time to go home and even though it made the most sense for me to drive my roommate home, I wanted to drive home one of the boys. I put on my Elton attitude and said "I'm taking Jake home". The other set of girls thought they were taking him home because he lives on their street. "No, I'm taking Jake home." Jake's roommate stepped in. He was taking Jake home. You don't argue with that, apparently. Case closed for drunk Melis. So I,"Elton" (obviously not the same Elton from above), drove my roommate ("Cher", the same Cher as the above story), and Jake ("Tai", who is not the same Tai from the above story) went home with his roommate (Summer, not in the story above). 

I did not leave my roommate at a seedy liquor story in the valley and neither of us were held at gunpoint. 

Cher and her crew trek from Beverly Hills to the Valley. We live in the valley and hit up a swank party in the nicest part of town we know - West Hollywood. So really there is no doubt that I lived the Clueless life last weekend. Nothing I'm so proud of that I want a repeat, but I'm certainly relieved I Cher-ed it up in my young years.

That's right, I said it. YOUNG. I'm still young. Sort of.

I'm not even sorry that this probably made no sense.

Your Eyes Say Yes But Your Lips Say No. Say What?

I love board games. Even card games. An intense game of go-fish with other employed adults gets me going all the time. Day or night. Night or day. Nightday or daynight.  I, however, do not like mind games that the boys play.

I'm by no means saying that boys are the exclusive owners of the mind game. Girls do it too, but for the sake of my rant I'm going to make me and my ladies innocent. 

I got a text from a friend last night - "Why did he kiss me? I just don't want people making moves on me if they aren't interested." Exactly. It's a sad truth. Guys will kiss us because they can, and maybe because they want to, but not necessarily because they want us. 

In the moment it's great! But the day after? The week after? How are you supposed to interact with this guy ever again and not make it awkward? If you go in all friendly, pretending nothing ever happened, he's going to think you're into him. Sometimes we're not, okay? You're not all that and a bag of chips. Sometimes your just all that. And I don't take anything that comes without chips (make it a meal at Subway...always). 

You can go the ignoring route. But that's weird too. Because it's awkward. 

There is a time in life when you can randomly make out with your friends here and there and it's okay, but then it gets to a point where it's childish and not conducive to the marriage goal. One time in college I made out with a friend of mine. I texted him a few days later asking him to snuggle - I love to snuggle! - and he responded "I'm sorry if I led you on...". Umm...IF? IF? Yes, you did lead me on. There was no need for you to kiss me if you weren't interested. (I found out later he had a girlfriend. They had become official days before - their relationship lasted almost 2 years. Impressive. Clearly she never knew he was a cheating dirt bag.)

Anyway, moral of the story. Figure out what age makes the random no consequences make-out becomes inappropriate. And then let me know. Because I'd like to know. Sooner rather than later is ideal.